Happy Birthday to myself - part I

It's my birthday.. but things are kinda different.

I am not looking forward to celebrating my birthday, neither do I feel happy about it.

少了妈妈问我：今年的生日你想要什么。少了妈妈祝我生日快乐。

Life will never be the same and I don't know how long more before I can accept reality, but one thing is definite.. I will always remember her. Every bits and pieces in life.

To be honest, I have wondered about marriage after her departure.. I never thought one day I would have to face this.. cause I have always painted the picture where she'll be there when I do.. but no, not anymore.. 

It is not easy getting over her departure.

I can accept the fact that one has to go some day, when time comes. I have always felt that when one reaches old age, there is no way you can avoid death. But, my mum hasn't reach old age yet. she almost retired.. but failed to enjoy a single day of her retirement. 

she has slogged all her life. 

There are so many bits and pieces of thoughts and feelings I will not blog about here cause I don't think its alright to share on a public space.. but I rather I do not exist, if I have to.. I wished my mum had a better life. She deserve better.

I haven't had enough of her, time's too short. 

Why did it happen when I wanted to bring my mum on a vacation.. the many things I wanted to do with her.. life without her is never the same anymore.

I gotta learn how to be independent, how to stay strong..

I am thankful that I still have my sister and she remembers my birthday.

I will update more on my birthday soon :> That's all for now.