I've lost of the number of times I'm writing about this..

I tried telling myself otherwise but failed nevertheless, because one cannot lie to oneself .. when the bits and pieces are evident and right before your eyes.. no?

It's evident that 'she' is bias and shows favoritism towards my other sibling. It hurts me, and is not something someone calls me and tries to tell or disuade me that no, 'she' favors me more instead. 

Because I feel and see otherwise.

I will not go into details about this. Because this isn't a private blog. 

I just can't seem to lie to myself about it, and it hurts.

Don't try telling me that 'she' dotes on me more than you. There are things I choose to keep to myself, that you weren't at scene and you do not observe or know. You are etched in her heart, whenever she does something, she would do it for you too, or for your sake. But not for me.. 

Yes, when I asked her about it 'she' can give me excuses that I can simply rebut but I choose to keep silent. 

Don't come telling me I am unfilial or whatever bullshit. 

Everyone's different and for me, it really hurts too much when I try.. again and again.. but gets hurt every single time. I don't see the need to anymore, when my care and concern does not gets appreciated, but of all, trashed and yelled at. 

I know I shouldn't write about this in my blog, because it isn't a personal space, I used to write in diaries, but later on discovered 'she' reads it without my permission. I have no one else I feel I can talk to, with regards to this.. that's why I'm writing it here. 

-trying to calm my inner self with daimoku-

Sometimes, I really don't understand how I repeatedly choose to care when I know every single time that im just hurting myself in the end.. 

为什么我明知道答案，还是一次又一次选择伤害自己的心。