immobile pixie

Trapped, like a bird with its wings pinned.

我怎么觉得自己的人生很可耻、可笑啊？

我连最基本的自由也没有。或者说，也有许很多其他的年轻人也一样。这个不行那个也不行。而我说的是，如果有分寸，给予适当的自由不行吗？

哦，不对。我已经不算年轻人了。是成年人了，说什么21岁就是大人，有自由不会被约束的话…都是谎话。一堆骗局！

我想要的，其实很简单。只是像其他人一样… 我也想像他们一样拥有着幸福的家庭… 一起出门或旅游什么的，it doesn't have to be too often but at least occasionally.. But perhaps, I don't even deserve that. 我想像他们一样能在外面一整晚，聊天什么的。I want to live my life like the other youths out there.. 

知道吗？她从来没有关心过我发生了什么事，我的感受。我就像个木偶，什么也不是！我只是个包袱。She will never be aware how hard I've been and is battling all those suicidal thoughts.. 

I find it a mockery, the fact I'm even breathing. I ask myself .. Every now & then, why.. Why am I still not dead? 

I'm already 25.. Say.. Although I hate to admit but I'm already 26 this year.. I'm still nowhere near that freedom I was supposed to get at 21. It's like giving me tight slaps on my face.

Am I human? 难怪说她们俩比较像。她们都喜欢约束我的自由。最基本的自由。

知道我脑里想什么吗？人逼急了，也会疯掉的。也会做出难以想象的事。离家出走。如果有了自立的能力。I've never thought there might actually be one day I'd come to this.. Where I suppose death is better than being alive.

我能活了这么多年，在这里…已经算是个奇迹。我只不过想要透透气而已… 我讨厌在这里的每一秒。