coco boy.. i love you.

It's only the start of the new year.. 2nd month of the year.. 

I still have 10 more months to endure.

I have never once spoken.. 

of how I hated being alone at home on a Saturday.

Like I was stabbed in the heart,

I hated my existence even more because every single time like this,

I miss him even more. I hated how I only remembered how he was always here for me when I'm alone at home. Few more months.. and its the 4th year now.. surprisingly I have thought it was only 2 years+ since his demise.. 141010... 3 years 4 months and 1 day.. the pain lives in me. I should have given more. 

coco boy, do you know how much I miss you?

My parents have always thought I just wanted a dog, for fun or whatsoever..

Thinking I'd be irresponsible.. But he wasn't.. He was my life.

Times where he was the only one there for me.. when I'm alone and afraid, when I was upset or hurt.. he'd be there to comfort me.. Why don't they understand why I wanted to get another puppy.. 

It's the only way, I could prolly be happy once again.. I could prolly feel being alive once again.. 

And perhaps the chance I'd slowly let to let go.. of the pain.

Daddy left me alone.. and went out..

telling me I had to eat what mum left for dinner.. while he ate instant noodles and went out for dinner.

As much as I understand and cherish how my mum whom is ill, 

still takes effort to cook so we dont have to starve or eat outside me.. I can't bear to tell her how the food really... I just can't seem to force myself to stomach it down.